Whod you bang
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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