Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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