My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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