I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize