I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
