what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
