hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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