so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
