thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
