sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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