Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
