If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
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