omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Buhtt sex?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
