Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
