I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
