she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
