I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
