Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
