I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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