Moan for me like Helen Keller
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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