I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
