Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
