I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
