Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
