I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
