We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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