you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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