I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
