So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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