Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
