This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
