I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
