So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
