just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
