you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
