Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
