Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
