I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
