She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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