Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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