the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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