Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
