she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
