New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
