After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i think im in europe. pls send help
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
