my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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