my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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