sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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