Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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