I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In other news, I just burned my penis
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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