i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
