and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He did a backflip because drugs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
