with your own penis?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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