I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I deserve this hangover.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
