ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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