Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
