My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
