dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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