fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
