Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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