true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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