Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
where are my eyebrows?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize