i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize