I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
