I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
