I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
