get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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