thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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