Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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