im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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