He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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