we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
