Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
