Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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