Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
