just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The ass gains better be worth it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
