Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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