just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
