Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
