you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
