Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
