Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
