Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
