just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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