I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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