You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
