If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
