how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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