I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
