It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
