yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
