no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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