You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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