You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
