I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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