I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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