Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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