Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
