fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
