my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
