butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
