Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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