just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
