So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
