I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
