I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
