Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize